The power of conversation - or, "why a podcast?"

I’m a big believer in conversation. The juicy kind, that gets you all excited, lights you up, makes you feel seen from the inside, out. I’ve been pretty lucky in my life, to be surrounded by others that feel the call, too - the call to communicate; to be seen and heard; to know ourselves in knowing others.

I’ve also known the loneliness that comes from this space not being filled - weeks on the road; building a life in a foreign country; living in a place where you begin by speaking only enough of the language to barely get by (for the record, even when you move to a place where people do speak your language, it can be damn lonely too, as you realise these people seem the same, but aren’t quite the same as what you’re accustomed to). 

For me, to go too long without rich conversation means that some deep part of me suffers. I’ve been lucky in the work that I’ve done abroad (and at home) - working with vibrant, generous, and interesting colleagues means that life is often rich with joyful connection and experiences. 

However, it’s those moments in-between: those moments when you’re lining up at visas and immigration, and you so desperately wish for the comforting companionship of an old friend; when you’re trying to communicate in broken [insert foreign language here] that no, you don’t have a loyalty card at this grocery shop and no, you would not like one; when you realise you definitely picked the dodgy air-bnb and you’re now stuck here for 6.5 weeks of a noisy / cramped / [insert ridiculous unexpected bullshit here] living situation. Those moments when you realise that you just want to be in the arms of a loved one, but can’t be, for another 4 weeks and 3 days. Those moments when you feel you sang / danced / acted like crapola at rehearsal today, and feel sure they’ll fire you as soon as they realise what a pretender you are. Those moments you just wanna go for a walk with your mum. Those moments when you realise the first actual real life words you’ve spoken today are to the local barista - and that some part of you is thrilled about that because they’re actually your new bestie, because they see you literally every day which is a damn sight more than all of the other actual significant humans in your life that know way more about you than your coffee order and the fact that this is your fave cafe in the whole city. 

You know. Those kind of moments.

Don’t get me wrong - it’s those experiences that enrich life / make us strong / help us see all the amazing things we are truly capable of, blah blah etc. blah blah. 

However. Sometimes, I’m just yearning for connection. Sometimes, I’m just yearning for a chat with someone who damn well gets it, and doesn’t tell me “oh that’s so cool you’re a [whatever performer] and gosh I’d love to travel that much”. Yah. It’s super cool. And sometimes it’s super lonely. But when your new-bestie-barista is living vicariously through your artistic-life-chic vibes - let’s face it, you’re an international man/lady/gender non-binary of mystery - it doesn’t really feel like the time to point out that you’re often super lonely, and increasingly worried about understanding the taxation and visa laws of multiple countries.

Again, I’ll repeat - it is super cool. Damn cool, in fact. We are all basically James Bond, but, like, more epic. However. So often, this is the central theme of any surface-level conversation about life as a freelance performer - that fact that it must be so cool. I think it’s probably what we choose to portray, too - like, hey look at my awesome life travelling the globe and how much I love it. 

Yes. I love it. But I also want some real-talk about the times I don’t love it; the times I feel lonely, or overwhelmed, or not seen / heard / witnessed. (Also, it’s really hard to be “funny” in a foreign language, so I’ve gotta be honest, I miss the potential for people to find me hilarious [for all the right reasons] when I’m working in a foreign language). And, I want some damn juicy conversation about these more mundane / lonely / shadowy moments, that make me worry “is it that I’m just not cut out for this?” / “are other people just miles better at this than me?” / “am I yearning for something I’ll never be able to have as an artist [i.e. connection / community / deep peace of a self-led life]?”

Buddies, the answers to those worry-questions, I believe, are: no, no, and big juicy NO.
It’s not that we’re not cut out for this.
It’s not that others are way better at this [loneliness / isolation / travelling / trials and tribulations of life as a freelancer].
It’s not that we’re yearning for something we can’t have [connection / community / damn well whatever I please as much as the next person pleases it].

It’s that we are not talking about this shit. These stories live in the dark. They live in the dark, and they feed on fear, shame, and the deep shadowy thoughts that sound a bit like “I’m not good enough” and “who am I to want more?”.

You are a child of creativity. You are a child of wonder. You are the maker, the breaker, the shaker-up of this whole damn world, and you were born to create. You were born to create, and dream, and vision, and wonder, and build, and tell the stories about everything we are, and everything we can be.

Do not. let. them. keep. you. small. 
I repeat: donotletthemkeepyousmall.

We are not children of the dark. We are children of the light. The light of conversation. The light of story. The light of creativity. The light of the sun that rises and the moon that glows and the trees that grow. We are made of the same stuff - the force of life. 

Let us not suffer in silence; let us have the conversations that set us free. Let us talk to one another, freely, about what we feel, experience, endure, delight in, and long for. Let us hear our own voices, as we would freely hear the voice of another. In giving ourselves permission to voice our own experiences, to discuss freely, to connect, to communicate, I believe we give permission to our whole creative world - our friends, our colleagues, our creative companions.

I created this podcast out of a yearning - belonging to me, and to others - for real, connected, informed, enlightening conversations, about the things we keep in the shadows.

Let’s all remember we are creatures of creation - here to create, imagine, and build. We are the hope for a future rich in light, colour, sound, and just so much better-ness. Time to be powerful, friends, and time to be united.

Here’s to the power of conversation.

Emily.x